Wednesday, May 13, 2009

All you have left is the shirt on your back.

Or is it?

There are many theories that are associated with what will happen on December 21st, 2012. One in particular suggests that while the human species will survive, the earth will not. Now, no one really knows if they are speaking spritiually or physically. If it is spiritually, then fuck it. You are screwed. BUT! Say that aliens come down in their giant space crafts and say "ALL A'BOARD!" How do you prepare for that? What in God's name do you pack?

You could pull one of your new alien overloards aside and ask politely if you can run back to the house real quick after they tell you where you are going and what the climate is for each month of their year. Do that though, and you may be labeled a "free thought" risk and will be watched constantly once aboard. So, yes, you will be properly packed, but at the expense of your freedom, and what I am assuming to be a kick ass buffet.(OMG! How to Cook Humans!) I mean seriously, how closely do you really want to be watched while you scarff down a heaping dinner plate of cocktail shrimp? No one looks good sucking the tails off of a shrimp. Trust me, I know. I have been to a Chinese Seafood Restaraunt.

Another, and by far the easiest of options, would be to just get on board the ship. Now, this seems like a good idea, cause face it, that thing has got to have central air and heat, so you are going to be comfortable through out the flight. But what happens when you get to the destination? Again, SCREWED! You will have your debit card, but I am certain that they will not honor plastic. You are going to have to get a job. The job market here on earth is tough enough, can you imagine slaving away on a farm somewhere under a purple sky with a boiling hot red sun? UGH!

"So what." You say. "I have cash/gold/a pocket full of cat litter." For all you know at that point, the cat litter may be the most valuble thing that you have to barter with, but I know with my luck, it will buy me a Slurm and a 25 year old twinkie that was procurred on a previous scouting mission.

My point is, you dont want to have to work if you can't help it. You need to be proactive.(Not the acne medicine. Hey! That may even be worth something. You never know.)

Let's just pretend that you are pregnant and your gestation period is three and a half years. Keep that essential piece of luggage packed and by your front door! You never know. The Mayan calandar may have been running slow and we could be leaving tomorrow. Also, you may also want to have a piece of luggage in your car packed identically as your home bag. Shit always happens when you are at work and you know it.

Now, what should you pack? We will take a look at that in the next post.

Take care and keep an eye on that clock. Time is ticking and 2012 is right around the corner!

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